Wednesday, October 30, 2013

The Worst Thing About Being Unemployed

There's so many things to pick from about being unemployed:
  • The realization that you have no skills anyone wants.
  • The lack of money.
  • Having to trawl through god awful job ads.
  • The templated rejection letters.
But none of these match up to the sudden lack of respect. I have this thing about time. Making someone wait is a really amazingly, make your blood boil, way to disrespect someone. I don't mean the one off "late in traffic" kind of making someone wait. I mean a pattern of it. Basically, if you expect someone to wait for you, you're implying that your time is more important than that person's. Sure, you might be one of those people who shrug their shoulders when you're late... again. It's not cute. It's god awful frustrating. You might as well spit in that someone's face - you're looking down your nose at them. Make a decision - either you're going to meet up with that person or you're not. If you're going to be late by more than ½ an hour, then cut the person loose. Let them get on with their lives without having to wait on you!

When you become unemployed, your plans don't matter anymore. If you want to spend a day doing something a little different... well tough luck buddy! It's just not a happening thing.

For me it's running. Getting out and pushing myself. Doing something that I can rely on myself to achieve as opposed to my fate being left in the hands of the employment gods. I'm determined to lose 15kgs this summer. So if I'm stopped because someone wants me to do something and then spend my day waiting for them to get their act together so that I can go and do what is really a simple task with them, I'm going to be furious. They've suddenly taken the one thing that I have some control over.

I should probably say something about why I find this so horrible. I grew up the youngest child (the youngest and the "mistake" i.e. unplanned) in a female dominated family (my mother's side of the family is almost all female). This meant that I was always given last pick (The one asthmatic in the family and I got the coldest dampest room) and that I was often left out (though I did manage to find someone to teach me how to knit) and generally just left in front of the TV when anything was going on (assuming no one else was watching it at the time). I had no value to anyone and I felt it. I often would act out - doing things just because it was against what someone else wanted me to do.

I strongly suspect that this is what lead to my low self esteem and depression. A world where you're just not valued in any way whatsoever is a really dark place to be.

So making me wait takes me back to being a kid with no sense of any respect given to me. I was a prop if anything. Which... given that I'm a bit of a workaholic, is what I am when I'm unemployed...

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