Wednesday, September 18, 2013


A very long time ago I had this situation where I asked out a girl that I care about and she told me that she was into my best friend...

This scenario could play out in several different ways. There's what I call "the phallus card" (actually... the way I say it, that middle word rhymes with Rick).

This all goes back to the bro code. Basically the bro code is something that males use to manage relationships between themselves. The general idea is this. If a guy likes a girl and his friend then meets the girl and also likes her, then it's incumbent on the second guy to essentially ask permission.

Here's the thing. The bro code is more about saving face. The girl will pick who the girl will pick (or not as the case may be). So it's a chance for the first guy to be cool with it. "The phallus card" is basically not being cool with it. They're playing the phallus... They're implying some sort of exclusivity.

In my case though, this scenario played out very differently. It wasn't about the bro code or saving face or anything. If I care about someone, then I want to see them happy. No two ways about it. It's even better when it's 2 people you care about.

In saying that, it still does hurt just a little. There are a few people around me that I care for and hoped things may have started - but then, I don't think we would be right for each other, or I've given it a shot and they've told me they're not into me. Sure, things go the other way as well. Those who were uncomfortable by me caring about them "in that way"... or whatever.

It's always easier, despite it perhaps hurting a little, to be allowed to care for someone even if they don't reciprocate those feelings than to be told (or have it implied) that your feelings are invalid. To stop having feelings. In which case, communication is key.

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