Friday, July 19, 2013

Advice for Nevyn

Nevyn, You're more special than you realise.

A few years ago I met a girl named Deborah. She was a bar lass at the local pub and her and I just kind of clicked. It wasn't at all a sexual thing - though I did feel a slight pang of jealousy at one point though it felt half hearted even to me. I'm not really sure what we were. Someone did ask and I kind of looked confused for a second. The only word for it was friends.

Deborah was a tourist. She wasn't going to be around for very long. She was a vegetarian and into spirituality. I think she was going to go and spend some time at an ashram (a retreat?) to hone up her meditation and yoga skills after leaving New Zealand. So she went off to explore the rest of the country.

She had to fly out of Auckland so I at least got to see her one last time. We were standing around a pub and it was probably a lot sadder than I let on. We really were... soul buddies? Something along those lines. She pulled me aside and said those magical little words:

Nevyn, You're more special than you realise.

And then she was gone leaving little more than an echo... I know. It doesn't sound all that impressive or earth shattering or trans-formative. But imagine you've been unemployed for a while. You're brilliant and you know it but you've always had a problem selling yourself. You're a NZ'er through and through - understated. Confirmation of your own low self esteem by the same old template rejection letters or worse yet, no contact at all. And then someone tells you that the bits that you do realise... they're only half of it.... what do you do?

I started searching. What was it about me that she was seeing and I wasn't? There's got to be more... I'm not sure I've ever found it. But those trans-formative words stopped me from fretting about how crap I was feeling from the employment process. Those words enabled me to start working toward more community minded things. Organising events for AuckLUG, helping to set up Tangleball, joining OLPC, volunteering on Manaiakalani, helping set up the Drop in Geek Cafe etc.

Nevyn, You're more special than you realise.

Those words, the ones that had me going in this direction, have me going in another direction. I'm feeling patronised and taken for granted. If I don't realise how special I am, and those around me are taking me for granted (to the point that I was being asked to do medial busy work for one of the Auckland projects while I was away in Wellington. I don't think that group realise quite how aware I am of people managing and the like), then perhaps it's time to move on.

In fact, every fiber of my being, except for that small voice saying "finish this bit first", is telling me to move on. It's time. The question now is... where to? I think I would add a great deal of value to all sorts of areas, not just education. But we're back to all those years ago - how do I sell myself? And what do I want to be doing?

No comments:

Post a Comment