Thursday, June 6, 2013

One of Those Days

I'm horrendously sick at the moment. Sore head, cough, slight fever and phlegm that just won't quit. I had to go into one of the schools today (exams online - *grumble*) and found myself letting rip with someone. Here I am fixing a mistake made by someone else and they're still seeing the whole situation as being unavoidable (as opposed to putting the resources in to figure out the mistake and throwing resources at it until it was fixed).

A school rejected a proposal... Admittedly there's only really been the one proposal around the idea of empowering the classrooms rather than waiting for technicians to come in, have things working for about 5 minutes after the technician has left and then all bets are off... It seems while the I.T. guys within the school were really keen, the teachers really didn't like the unknown.

Given the small sample size, I really shouldn't feel so discouraged... It's one school - and probably really not the sort of school I'd like to start with, but... well... I don't know. I've seen what can happen when teachers become empowered (I mean, when they all become empowered together, as opposed to the vying for position and effect that being more empowered - Why is this feeling like a George Orwell novel? - than everyone else can have). The classroom loses a whole lot of limits and Stella is a lot more likely to get her grove back.

Teaching can be fun with resources other than big pieces of cardboard with poems written on them. Suddenly there's a wealth of information from sources outside of our little spheres.

That pen pal in primary school might have remained a pen pal for more than 2 letters if the response had been instantaneous rather than waiting months for a reply. Things take on all new meaning in real time i.e. you're able to compare the weather (something my uncles do every time they call from Canada - they could be ringing to tell us that someone has just died, and they'd still start by asking how the weather is here). As a kid I think I would have been fascinated by the seasons if I could talk to someone on the northern hemisphere to do a comparison.

I'm really just... starting to stress about the immediate future. I can't afford to work for free anymore - and yet, here I am, once again, working for free. It's frustrating. It's discouraging and soul destroying knowing that I've got all sorts of interesting things to offer and yet, I'm getting absolutely no traction.

And dang nang it - I should be enjoying myself. Seeing Auckland through different eyes and losing myself to a more relaxed and happy version of myself. Instead... well.. I'm lying here awake at midnight stressing about how I'm going to make the next little bit of money...

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