Monday, February 13, 2012

Feeling Paranoid

It's been awhile... I saw a friend who I haven't seen for a few months and he was saying that I'm so seldom around that the best way for him to keep up with what's going on is to read this blog. I've got to admit to having a little crisis of self. I've been so very self-absorbed and let's face it, a blog is basically someone talking and hoping others are listening. This was all so much easier when I was just talking to myself.

I've been reading a bit of Kurt Vonnegut lately. He's definitely one of my favourite authors. Always so... real. He was incredibly good at placing a character in amongst larger events and seeing things from their perspective. To the extent where that character is the larger event. When reading something, I find that I start thinking in terms of their writing style. So I find myself thinking in small segments that allow for tangents.

It's been a few weeks since I read the last one. I'm now reading Great Expectations again. I'm also reading the picture book that is the road code. "See car. See car go. Go car, go". As soon as I can find the time, I'll be booking myself in for the test to sit my learners. Yay mo-ped! So I don't really have the style down. Still, I can at the very least use the short bits to allow for tangents...

- = -

The other day I was heading to work. I had gotten off my first bus and was walking down Queen St to my second bus.

* * *

I can't help but think of the post I did last year, A day in the life 1. I was happy then.

* * *

I've just crossed the first set of lights when I feel a twinge in my back.

"This isn't good" I think. It's getting worse. Step after step. I see a bench a few meters in front of me.

"No problem" thinks I, "get to the seat".

So I struggle on. By the time I get to the bench, I'm in agony. I've stopped breathing for the pain. I sit down and I feel a wave of pain go up my spine. I'm not getting comfortable, and nothing's clicking.

I test myself getting up. Yup. That's not going to work. Now what?

* * *

I have to remark now as to how well we as a people have detached ourselves from each other. It's not uncommon to completely lose yourself while listening to music and seeing the masses around you as nothing more than moving obstacles while walking through town.

* * *

Out with the cellphone. I organise to be picked up. It's going to be awhile though. It's the first thing in the morning. No one else at home is dressed yet. I can't get comfortable. I wonder what we did before cellphones. I find it troubling that I've had to ask the question though the answer comes to me almost immediately.

* * *

A woman comes and sits down next to me. She smiles at me. I do my best to smile back. I'm trying to take as much pressure off my back as humanly possible in which case I have my elbows up and I'm looking kind of intense and well... if I'd seen me, I'd have thought "creepy".

We do our best to ignore each other. Such is life.

* * *

My ride finally arrives. I manage to get up.... well mostly up. My back resembles a question mark. I'm not at all sure what I'm asking. Probably a whingy "Why?!". Seems a good all encompassing question. Besides which, isn't that what we spend our lives asking?

* * *

The woman sees me and a look of understanding comes to her face. I'm not intense and creepy. I'm in pain and doing my best not to pass out in pain.

* * *

In my over thinking way (I have this scene in my head of "over thinkers anonymous". My name is Nevyn and I've been thinking... and so on and so forth) I relate this chance encounter to some of the most important relationships in my life.

- = -

Anyway... so... crap back. I ended up having to take 2 days off work. That got messy. So I worked the weekend (surprise surprise). I think I'm nearing the point where I could stop working in the weekends. I've got a few things to do. Version control for starters. This is pretty high on my agenda. It's just that it's kind of a major undertaking. 71 packages in all. That's about to increase as I split a package up. I'm not sure how to handle the code for Keys to the Castle which isn't packaged. I worked pretty late on Sunday night, grabbed a taxi home and...

There's a bank up the road and given that I never carry cash, I get the taxi to drop me off there. I cross the road and "bang!". I'm on the ground. I've tripped and landed on my left side. I quickly get myself up and walk on.

I'm walking down the road when a woman asks if I have a cigarette. When I say "no" she starts yelling at me.

"You're lying! I don't care about your issues with your wife or girlfriend or something. I just need a cigarette now." and so on and so forth. Of course, she's right outside a halfway house where someone had been stabbed to death a couple of years previously.

When I get inside, I check. A hole in my jeans. I'm pretty sure my leg is going to bruise up. My elbow looks like someone's taken a cheese grater to it. After cleaning up my elbow a bit, I check my pockets. Sure enough my Android phone's screen is cracked.

- = -

So that's two...

My back isn't feeling too bad. I can at the very least walk around. I noticed today that I seem to have done something to my shoulder - probably during the fall. My thigh hurts something chronic whenever I go to sit down or get up. My elbow stings all the time. I've ordered the parts to be able to fix the phone myself from Amazon though it looks horribly complex.

So I'm waiting for the third. A kick to the nads. That little cheery on top that just makes life complete. It's Valentines day tomorrow. Anything could happen.

Actually.. there is fun to be had on Valentines day. A couple of years ago I had met a friend for a drink on Valentines. He and I had laughed at the ridiculousness of a girl having dressed up in her finest being "accompanied" (he seemed more interested in the store fronts than her) by a young lad wearing baggy jeans and a backward cap.

Oh - and for those of you going for romantic... Romance is a shared moment, a thought for each other, pleasure in each other's company. You won't find it in a bunch of flowers or chocolates.

Just because I'm paranoid, doesn't mean the world isn't out to get me.


  1. oh geesh Nevyn. Can only happen to you. Were you looking for the universe to kick you or something?

    And falling down like that must have hurt like anything. No wonder you werent online.

    sometimes i just wanna say "Quit whinging" but i see at times you are completely justified in 'whinging'

    oh. and Happy Valentines Day Nevyn.

  2. Oh don't say that.
    1. I'm not justified.
    2. Valentines sucks. As if couples needed more reason to celebrate.