Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Censorship

I feel like I do one of these posts entirely too often.

I've not been censoring myself. Let it be known that I probably wouldn't have aired my grievances about my mother's side of the family if I had thought for a single second that they might read this blog.

Of course, it's what I'm grumbling about - the fact that I seem to be a something to take into account rather than a person - that means that they're very unlikely to read anything I've written.

So today I learnt that someone rather high up in the Tamaki Transformation Project has been following this blog. Imagine me digging my toe in to the ground while looking slightly ashamed. The point is though that I'm trying to be constructive. The criticisms I have are small things. They're things which I consider to keep in mind. Such a project only benefits from seeing itself in a more global context. The end of year bash could have had a few minor tweaks to make it a great event.

As for my immediate family - they know I keep this blog. I've even given out the address but the only time it's ever read by my family is when I hand over my computer with a post already loaded. They're not terribly interested in what I might be saying by the looks of things.

And hey, this is a bit of a personal journey for me. Since starting the blog, I've come to realise that while transitional provisions have helped me, they need to be put into context and ultimately, replaced.

And I'm hoping this helps people out there. If I'm candid about my problems and how I think about things, perhaps other people will relate and perhaps reflect on the person they are and who they want to be and perhaps even see a way of becoming that person.

I was watching a Derren Brown show the other day where he was talking about confidence. He said something along the lines of, "most of us believe happiness to lie in being another person". So when I say "becoming that person", I don't mean a complete personality transplant. I'm talking about being the person you know yourself to be. We've all got some idea of who we are right? This puts me in mind of that song "No Secrets". Look up the lyrics. They're pretty interesting.

The point is, although at times I'm whinging and being horribly negative, I'm always looking for a positive. So what can be built from the mess that I've discovered. What could be done differently. This is regardless of whether I'm talking about myself and my relationships to the people around me or myself and my relationship to the projects around me (much the same thing really). One is a little more self centered than the other but of the same ilk.

And hey, I'd love for this blog to turn into a bit of a forum. Offer up an opinion or two. Excite me with loads of messages to reply to. If you think I'm being harsh or overstepping the mark, I would love comment on it. Surely what I say can't be the be all and end all of it all.

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