Monday, December 6, 2010

Sulky Monday

I find myself sulking today. It's a Monday. Monday's are a good day to have a bit of a sulk.

I live with my parents (shock horror! 31 and still living with my parents!). This is for fairly good reason. I will normally put it down to not having an income or might say something along the lines of "I choose to live with them after dad had a heart attack". The truth is, it's for a much more selfish reason.

I'm so likely to hide myself from the world at large, only emerging to work, that I just need to be living with someone. And I hate flatting. Trying to get along with people who you're counting on to clean the bathroom. When I was flatting, I'd find myself being "Mom". I would cook and clean and pick up after people. Soon I found myself rebelling against it and instead would spend most nights out. So, my parents, and more specifically, my mother are good for my mental health. As galling as they may be to admit.

The point is, Mum's in India at the moment and just extended her trip for another 3 weeks.

Oh course, that's not enough to make me sulk. There's also the AuckLUG barbeque. My last act as the events coordinator for AuckLUG. The world didn't end with a bang, but with a whimper. A touch melodramatic I know. I turned up to the barbeque, had a look around and then found a grassy knoll to sit on and read my book. I was about quarter of an hour bit late myself.

[Dramatic pause]

About half an hour later, someone did turn up. We decided it was a good idea to take our meat to Tangleball to get burnt. Apparently someone else showed up about 20 minutes later. 3 people. I was feeling a tad humiliated by the time I got to Tangleball.

Still, the Tangleball (grand?) opening was brilliant. Loads of people. A lot of comments about what a great location it's gotten and how this is exactly what Auckland needs. The fruits of a conversation which happened almost exactly a year ago. While I'm not involved anymore, I hope them the best for the future.

I have been a little argumentative on the mailing list admittedly. The reason being is money. Tangleball needs paying members. No two ways about it.

There's the possibility that they could "rent" out the space to other groups. So without context (I have no idea how long this group wants to use this space for example), there have been figures flying around which I have considered excessive and so have been objecting to those figures. And the reasoning that has come back hasn't enlightened me any. Things like "it's just so that we can get started" etc.

I think from a nerds perspective, we're taught quite early on that "it matters to us more than it matters to others". In other words, if I were to talk about the coolness of some standard for transmitting data, the glazing of the eyes would start almost immediately.

So if you're hiring out a venue for an event, VERY few people would inquire about the venue's operating costs. That's their concern, not yours. What's of interest is the cost to you.

Of course, given that I don't really have the context, I'm not entirely sure if those prices are reasonable or not. For example, if they're hiring the venue for say... 4 hours or more, those prices are probably on par.

So anyone from the Tangleball mailing list who might be reading this, I apologise for my aggressive tone.

So back to sulking. None of those things are enough to make me sulk. Not a day later. And if I had given the main reason, this probably would have been a REALLY short post. The reason? Woman.

It's nothing they've done. It's more about me and how I feel about things and how I deal (or don't deal) with things.

I'm just not equipped with those particular skills. "Fight Club" talked about generations of men being raised by woman. "The Game" (By Neil Strauss) talked about how our fathers didn't teach us those skills needed by men. A friend of mine only recently give me a few hints on shaving - he had the same issues as me with razor rash. So being an awkward teen, growing up as a geek/nerd/horribly insecure unpopular kid, and the fact that my father didn't show me how to shave properly, let alone anything else, it's fairly easy to understand why I would feel so out of my depth.

As a result, I've become desperately happily single. That is, I am so desperate about being happy about being single that I seem to make sure I sabotage myself. I'm quite happy to "harmlessly flirt" with people. If it goes much beyond that, the defenses go up. While this isn't always a bad thing (when the defenses are necessary for example), there are those odd times where I find myself quietly cursing myself. Definitely enough reason for a sulk.

So, for today at least, I'm in a sulk. It's a good day for a sulk.

1 comment:

  1. Sorry i didnt make the BBQ Sunday. I was really looking forward to it too. But circumstances werent to be this time.

    On the plus side. It was a lovely day for it. Regardless of who did or didnt turn up.

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