I've just removed my last post. The reason being is that instead of it answering a bunch of questions, it seems to have created more questions. Awkward questions. Questions that even my closest and dearest have the good sense not to ask and those I've shared the answers with didn't ask. Chances are, if they know me fairly well, they know, or have a good sense of, the answers to those questions without my telling them.
The problem is this: I'm tired. I'm really horribly tired. I took the day off yesterday and slept the day away. I then got up, got irritated at something that I felt undermined some of my efforts on AuckLUG and reacted badly. It did lead to something positive - I've been thinking about abdicating my position as the event co-ordinator for AuckLUG for awhile and this has finally given me the push that I needed.
While for the most part I've enjoyed the position, there have been problems. I never know how many people to expect for certain events which has made things where we're looking for sponsorship next to impossible. The one that stands out in my mind is Software Freedom Day where it almost came down to passing a hat around the organisers - so those few people who had put in loads of time, effort and energy, for a great mass of people, might have had to put up some money. I don't see that situation as fair and it was brought about because people didn't want to sign up to say they were attending.
And then came the rather awkward attempt of flirting by someone. I've always thought that flirting should be something that either invokes a feeling or is clever enough that you find yourself continuing it (a clever analogy or play on words). It's a shared joke. A way of telling someone that you're interested in them and if they share it, then perhaps there's the making of a relationship of some form. And the flirting in question didn't have any of these qualities. So given that I'm tired and contemplative I picked it apart, couldn't quite understand it given that it didn't meet the criteria and just gave a blank faced stare while saying "I don't understand". The response "oh it's just a joke" got my back up. I have a sense of humour. I'm pretty sure I do. Sure, I'm tired and it's not working quite the way that it should at the moment, but even after a bit of thought, it still wasn't funny. Jokes should be funny right?
A really prudent question though is, should I be made to feel like I'm odd because the flirtation was clumsy at best?
Which lead me to write a long winded post about the possibility that I may suffer some symptoms of aspergers syndrome. So the missing post was about how I don't understand a lot of what goes on around me and how a lot of the social interactions I have with people can at times feel scripted and how getting close to people and knowing my position in amongst them can be difficult.
This lead to an email this morning which I'm quite happy to ignore . The email has sent me into a spin. I don't want to answer the questions in there when all I was trying to do was to try and answer a few questions. I'm feeling a little harassed by it.
So I know I'm tired. Chances are, this wouldn't bother me quite so much if I had full use of my facilities. I probably wouldn't feel quite so harassed and would probably have a way to deal with it. For the time being though, I am feeling harassed, I don't have a ready way to deal with it and so I'm going to avoid the blog for a little while.